Kevin Menezes

Loved and Saved by God alone to Love and Serve God alone.

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Family Fights: You Lose Even When You Win

​The only battle you’ll never win is the one you fight against your own family. Any man who verbally, emotionally, physically or psychologically beats his own wife, kids or parents down and expects to win is a fool because when they lose, YOU LOSE.   

Jesus said, “a house divided against itself shall not stand” because fights within the family are like cancer. The real reason cancer is so deadly is because it’s not caused by an external virus or bacteria. It’s an internal fight. Cancer is basically your body fighting you. It’s like a civil war breaking out inside you. You can only survive when the fighting stops. 

So, what you really need is for everyone connected to you to be winning everything — all the time. That’s why you’ve got to take the high road and walk away from some fights. They are really not worth your time and energy because even if you win, you still lose. The Bible says “anger rests in the bosom of fools” and “avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarrelling.”

Basically, God is asking you to be wise and stop fighting against everybody and yourself.

Hot or Not ~ I am Still Toasting Me

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Whenever I chance upon magazines like Men’s Health at the mall and look at men’s abs, I catch myself wishing I had those six-pack abs, instead of the jelly belly I am currently sporting. 🙂

I try to eat healthy and work out when I can. Frankly, I’d love to spend hours at the gym if I could. But my life schedule does not allow me the luxury of making that beach body look my primary goal in life, no matter how much I wish for it.

And, in retrospect, it doesn’t really matter. The world tells women you are only as good as you look. It tells guys you are only lovable if you have a rock hard body.

It’s all just a load of crap!

I read today that in the US, 50% of all preschool  girls (3 to 5 years old) worry that they are too fat. Eating disorders are up; self esteem is down. What’s wrong with that? EVERYTHING!

Our primary goal in life should be to be healthy, not erotically attractive. In fact, I find average, smiling, loving, content, happy people who have accepted and dance in the beauty that God has granted them quite stunning too. Plus, you know for a fact that they are the real deal and totally legit because their beauty has not been purchased at a beauty store — it shines from within!

And so I choose NOT to let fashion magazines body-shame me or talk me down. I am old enough to realize by now that how I see myself and talk about myself is more important than how others see me. And that outlook makes a world of difference to me, my girl and, most importantly, my kids.

I am raising my boys to be confident, young men. And I am choosing to lead by example. When they grow up, I hope and pray that they will cherish the girl-women that will one day enter their lives for who they are on the inside, rather than the media-reinforced image of “perfect” that only focuses on the outside.

So, thanks, but no thanks.

Yes! I am still gunning for a healthier me. But even if that does not happen, you’ll find me splayed on my couch, toasting life and celebrating me. 🙂

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Spot the Right Guy; Marry Him

2015-09-04-17-03-17-1If you are dreaming of marriage and happily ever after, choose a righteous man (someone who really loves God) over someone who is just plain religious. Confused? Let me sort this out for you.

Men who make a great show of their religion are usually also very obtuse, fanatical and obstinate – not to mention boring. (Think Pharisees, the ISIS, the other right wing terror groups and you get the picture.) Such men are willing to kill and be killed for their religion. You don’t want to be stuck with someone like that.

A man who really loves God will love everyone made in His image. He has no issues with anybody. He has no enemies. Such a man avoids conflict and is actually a peacemaker because He realizes that God can fight his own battles. He understands that God is sovereign and does not need a man’s help to accomplish anything. His happiness is rooted in the confidence that if God wants something done, He can get it done all by Himself. He therefore gets out the way and let’s God handle His business.

A righteous man understands that God is looking for spiritual fruit NOT religious nuts. So, he stops acting like he has the last word on God, he stops advising God about what should be done, and instead focuses his energies on what God expects a man to do. He busies himself doing good, helping the poor, feeding the hungry, and above all caring for his wife and family. He is thankful because he knows life is a gift and he values it – not just his own but also the life of others. He lives to the fullest and enjoys every moment.

If you find a man like that, marry him.

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Let Go

If you think you are busy now, wait till you get married. And if you think there aren’t enough hours in a day to do all that you want, wait till you have kids.

The biggest drain on marriages is that couples hardly have time for each other once the kids arrive on the scene. But here’s what i learnt:

Your firstborn should never take the place of your first love. After all, you did not marry for kids, remember? You married for love. Your kid(s) are a byproduct of that love.

Also, your relationship as a couple and your responsibilities as parents are two different things. You should not interlink the two.   You didnt marry your man because he was an experienced father; you married him because of how he made you feel, right? Besides, nobody is born with a degree in parenting. We all make mistakes. We learn on the job.

It is enough for me to know that my wife loves the kids as much as i do (possibly more) and she is doing her best. That is good enough.

So, next time you are tempted to be critical, i suggest you cut your spouse some slack. And instead of giving your spouse a hard time about their parenting skills, I suggest you just love them for who they really are. Because if you look up close, you’ll find someone trying just as hard to make it work.

Life is tough. Don’t make it harder. LET GO. Do it for your spouse. Do it for the kids. Do it for yourself.

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Kids: Your Responsibility | Your Reward


I got a call from an e-learning institute yesterday. They wanted to know if I’d be interested in enrolling my son for any of their “special” courses.

Well, not really,” I responded, “coz my son is just three-and-a-half.

“Well, sir, this course is for kids 6 months and above,” the woman on the phone  explained.

“Um, okay. Not interested.”

“But why?! We’ll teach your child to read, write, and it will be a very engaging experience for him. Most importantly, his IQ will improve significantly,” she persisted.

“Well, I am sure your course is as good as you claim it is, but I am not very keen to raise my son’s IQ at this age. And as far as reading and writing go, I am sure he’ll pick it up when the time is right.”

“That is true, sir, but your son won’t have a competitive advantage,” she corrected me.

“Well, ma’am, I understand where you are coming from. But I am going in a completely different direction with regard to how kids should be raised. I am not eager to have my son compete with other kids in any sort of rat race. At his age, I’d rather he just enjoy being a child.”

She finally got the message and hung up. But the gist of what she said lingered in my mind. Was I being unfair to my kid by not letting him gain any sort of advantage in a competitive world? I debated that in my mind for a while and discussed it with my wife when I got back home. We had decided long ago that we wouldn’t let our children be sucked into the rat race like we were. We decided to stick with that.

I am not at all undermining the value of education—yes, it is important. However, the school can only teach a child about the world around him. It is a parent’s responsibility to show a child how to live and breathe and walk confidently in that world. We parents have the power to influence our child’s character, his thoughts and views positively. However, we only have a small window of opportunity to do that. Once that window closes, it is hard to open it again. Then, the world takes over. Whatever a child absorbs at a young age remains with him forever. That’s why the Bible advises: “Train a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

There are two lasting gifts you can give your kids: one is wings, the other is roots. Your decisions today will shape your child’s tomorrow. Give your child the best education you possibly can. But please remember that education is not a substitute for good character. Education may help your child earn a lot of money, but it may not help him spend it wisely. Education may help your child land a good job and find a good spouse, but it cannot guarantee a happy life or a happy marriage. In my personal opinion, character formation is the primary duty of every parent. These are your kids. Don’t expect the school or anybody else to raise them up for you. They are your responsibility. And if you raise them well, they will be your reward.

Want your kids to be special? Be a special parent.


Do What You Want

When I was younger, I used to think of God as this stuck-up person in the sky who wanted me to live my life on his terms. I took credit for all the good and blamed God for all the bad. Frankly, I hated God.  

I see things differently now.  

God is too big to be obsessing about every little thing we do. But that does not mean He does not care about what’s going on in our lives. He loves us and He does care. That’s why He gave us the Commandments.  

Now get this: God does not benefit from our righteousness. The good we do benefits us alone. As demanding as they may seem, God did not introduce the Commandments to keep us under subjection. He introduced them to keep us safe…from ourselves.  

The reason God says do not commit adultery is because adultery, like murder, is an act of violence against another human being…and also our own selves. God knows that kind of thing can literally tear families apart, ruin lives and break people. A single act can ruin so many lives, including your own. That’s why God advises against it.  

For more or less the same reasons, He also warns against stealing, lying, coveting… All of these things are demeaning. And God does not want that. If anything, He wants us to live respectful, HAPPY lives.  

Yes, God wants you to be Happy.  

All we need to do is keep ourselves from sin. Everything else is permissible. Everything else is a choice–and it is yours to make. In fact, God welcomes it. He wants us to live life on our terms (not His) and have a good time. The only thing God is concerned about is that we should not hurt ourselves (or others) by sinning. In retrospect, everything God tells us to do is for our own good. 

Want to buy a house? Well, if you need to, you should.  

Want to get married? Okay, whatever makes you happy…so long as you are not marrying someone else’s spouse–that’s off limits.  

Want to wear yellow and green and eat fish today? Well, it is not a sin…so go right ahead.  

Anyways, I think you get the point.  

Anything you want to do, you can do. Any decision you want to make is yours to make. Remember though that decisions are tied to consequences. So make wise decisions. If you are happy, God is happy for you. As long as you are not sinning against yourself, or someone else, you are free to live life to the fullest…on your terms.  

So, go ahead. Enjoy life! Do good. Rejoice and be happy. God is with you.  

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The Little Ballerina

The cell phone rang just after dinner. Ken picked it up and smiled. It was Ruth.“Hi there, long time,” Ken whispered into the phone. He had just dropped her home a few hours earlier.

“Ken…there is something I have to tell you.”

Something did not seem right. Ruth was a happy, carefree person—always chirpy, always smiling. Yet, she seemed extremely distressed. Why was she crying?

“I just prayed to God. I prayed for you. I prayed that He would give you the strength to hear what I am about to say,” Ruth wailed.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Ken asked, the first signs of worry manifesting as a wrinkle on his forehead.

Ruth was everything a guy could hope to find in a girl. She was simple, sweet and devoted. Her life revolved around him. The first thing she did after joining fashion school was give Ken a makeover—a new hairstyle, a new wardrobe. She would skip classes to spend more time with him, make breakfast, do his bed, iron his clothes, and occasionally ride the bike with him all the way to his office even though it meant she’d have to make the journey back home alone. Sometimes she would leave home at 5:00 AM, before her parents woke up, and take the first bus to Ken’s house, about 20 miles away. He would wake up to find her snuggled next to him shivering like a little puppy and hold her close, amazed at how much she loved him.

When she had to move to another town for further studies, she cried herself to sleep almost every night. She spent all her pocket money on long-distance calls to Ken, always ending the conversation with the same lines: “I can’t live without you, Ken. I want to come back.”

Ken missed her too. He knew all he had to do was say the word and Ruth would be on the next train home. He knew she would do anything he said. But leaving her term midway would mean expulsion from home, and Ken wasn’t ready for marriage yet. He didn’t want to take Ruth in without first ensuring that he had the financial soundness to take care of her. So he encouraged her to hold on. “Just a few more weeks, dear; you’ll be home for Christmas.”

As the weeks turned into months, Ruth entered depression. She could not live this way anymore. She missed Ken too much. But returning meant being both homeless and unemployed. Ken was not ready to marry her or take her in.

“You are just 17,” he would say. “We need more time to figure things out.”

The wait was frustrating. One night, when her room-mates were asleep, Ruth consumed an entire bottle of sleeping pills. When they rushed her into the ICU next morning, she was hanging to life by a thread. When her heart stopped beating, the doctors had to administer electric shocks to bring her back. Ken was devastated when he found out. He knew why she did it. He wanted to be by her side, but could not. Her folks wouldn’t allow a stranger close to their daughter. They didn’t know yet.

Two weeks later, Ruth was back where she truly belonged—as happy as a lark, but not as chirpy as before. Not until Ken held her close and promised to take care of her all her life. That is all she wanted—the glow slowly returned to her face. She would do anything Ken said, and he adored her.

“What’s the matter, baby?” Ken asked again. “Why are you crying?”

“Ken…I was a prostitute,” Ruth cried out.

The silence lasted an eternity. God, this will break him. Please give him the strength, she thought. Then suddenly Ken’s voice came back.

“Uh! What?!” He had heard her loud and clear but could not believe what he had just heard her say. He did not want to believe it. Ruth, his little angel, a prostitute? No way! Surely, this must be a joke. God, please let this be a joke.

“I was a prostitute, Ken. I cheated on you,” Ruth sobbed.

“You mean like you kissed someone?” Ken’s mind began to spin as he waited for an answer. I can handle a kiss. Kissing someone is probably a big thing for Ruth; that’s why she’s calling herself a prostitute. She’s innocent. She loves me too much. Please say it was only a kiss.

“I slept around, Ken.”

“You mean intercourse?!”

“Yes. I am sorry, Ken. I really love you.”

But Ken didn’t hear her. He stopped listening the minute Ruth said “Yes.” His world stopped spinning right there. He sank into his chair, the wind knocked out of him.

Who? Why? When? The last seven years flashed before his eyes—the first time he met Ruth in an internet chat room, the first telephone conversation a month later. She mailed a picture. That sweet voice over the phone also had a sweet face. He fell in love right away. As the days passed, the conversations grew longer, often continuing late into the night. When they finally met, Ruth was instantly attracted to Ken. He was fair and slim. He was 25 and looked boyish. He was gentle, witty and had the most beautiful light brown eyes she had ever seen—they radiated kindness. He made her laugh and she immediately felt comfortable around him. They watched a movie. She held his hand. He kissed her after intermission and proposed the next day. She said she needed time. As the days passed, Ken started losing hope. Then at 4:00 AM one morning, Ruth called and said, “I love you too.”

He introduced her to his mother the same week. They made love for the first time on his birthday two months later. The months flew by. That is until Ruth had to move to a different town for further studies. She didn’t want to go, but couldn’t tell her dad why. He just wouldn’t allow it. So they kept it under wraps.

A month of separation was too much to bear. Ken knew it was tearing Ruth apart. When she said she would die if she didn’t see him soon, Ken emptied all his savings to buy her a gold ring laced with diamonds and boarded an overnight flight to the city where she lived. He watched from a distance as she left her hostel and trudged to college with her head down the next morning. He hid behind a tree. To say Ruth was thrilled to bits when she saw Ken again would be an understatement. Seeing him jump out suddenly with his arms wide open simply knocked her socks off. She began crying and did not stop until he took her to the hotel he was staying in and made love to her. Then he slipped the ring he had got on her finger and held her in a long embrace.

“Hello, Ken!”

Ruth’s voice brought him back. He could not breathe. He needed answers. He could hear Ruth crying on the other end.

“Who was it, Ruth? Who did you do it with?”

“It doesn’t matter, Ken,” Ruth cried. “It was stupid, it didn’t mean anything, and it is over now.”

“I want to know who it was,” Ken said, surprised that he was not angry.

“You know who it was, Ken.”



“Okay,” Ken said.

Sam was an old friend of Ruth. He lived in another town. He was 6’2 and muscular. Ken suspected his intentions from day one, but Ruth assured him that they were just friends. It’s probably just me, Ken thought. Maybe they really are just good friends. He knew how much Ruth loved him. It would take more than a muscular 6’2 guy to pull us apart. We are inseparable. It’s our destiny. He put his doubts behind him and eventually forgot all about it. When Sam married, Ken rested easier. That takes care of that, he thought. So when Ruth said she was going to meet Sam to seek help for a college project, Ken didn’t think twice. “Come back safely,” was all he said.

“It didn’t mean anything, Ken.”

“I know it didn’t mean anything, Ruth. I just don’t know what to say. When did this happen?”

“Two years ago.”

“How many times did you cheat on me?”


“Twice?! You mean you made a mistake and went back for more?!”

“Please tell me we are okay, Ken. I can’t live without you.”

“I love you, Ruth. I can’t live without you either.”

“Please forgive me. Let’s make a new start.”

“I forgive you, Ruth. Stop crying and go to bed. We’ll speak later”

“What am I to do about Sam?”

“Ask God. He will tell you what to do.”

“Okay, good night.”

Ken kept the phone down and just continued sitting where he was for more than hour. He remembered the only time he had met Sam three months ago. He seemed very uncomfortable. Now I know why, Ken thought. He felt a range of emotions sweep over him – anger, sadness, disappointment, despair. He was surprised how calm he had been on the phone. He decided to sleep. Then suddenly the gravity of what he had been told sunk in. He could not sleep. Images of Ruth and Sam entwined together flashed before his eyes. He started crying and did not stop until he fell asleep.

When he got up the next morning, he wished he had never been born. Tears blurred his vision as he drove to work. What have you done, Ruth? Why did you do it?

He called Ruth and asked to meet her in the evening. He had decided what he had to do. When they were finally alone, the tears started flowing again.

“Why did you do it, Ruth? Were you not happy with me?”

Seeing her beloved Ken in tears, Ruth started crying too.

“I dunno why, Ken.”

“Well, I know why. You love Sam. You always did.”

“That is not true.”

“Listen, I am going to make it really easy for you two. I am stepping out of your life. Convince Sam to divorce his wife and hook up with him. You’ll never hear from me again.”

“No, Ken. I don’t want to marry him. I want to marry you. I have always loved you and you alone.”

“I don’t believe you, Ruth. Your actions betray your words”

“It was a mistake, Ken. I am sorry.”

“Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know.”

“You ruined everything, Ruth. Can’t you see? Things will never be the same again.”

“Don’t say that, Ken.”

“I love you, Ruth. But you hurt me really bad. You were the strongest pillar in my life. How could you?”

“I am so sorry I messed up,” Ruth sobbed.

Ken was angry and hurt, but he still couldn’t bear to see Ruth cry.

“I gotta leave now, Ruth. I did not mean to make you cry. Maybe things will get better with time. For now though, I’ll be happy if you just gave me a hug.”

That was all Ruth needed to hear. She longed to be held by Ken. She longed to be told that everything would be alright. She longed for Ken to look at her the way he always did. Right now though all she could see in his eyes was sadness. She had broken the heart of the only man she really loved and she could not bear to see how badly he was hurting.

“I am so sorry, Ken. I promise, never again,” she said as she melted in his arms.

Ken looked into her eyes, wiped her tears away and said, “I trust you.”

On the way back home, Ken tried to find the answers Ruth seemed unable to give. Why? We were happy. I know Ruth loves me with all her heart. Then why? It has to be the fantasies.

It had started out of boredom. As the conversation dragged one night, Ken said, “The newspaper says sharing fantasies does wonders for your relationship, especially your sex life.”

“Uh, hmmm…”

“They say it helps to keep the spark alive.”

“It does?!”

“Don’t know. There is only one way to find out.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“A question.”


“Do you ever get wild dreams?”

“Like what?”

“Like you are in a threesome?”

“Um, no. I have had some really wild dreams, but it is always only with you, Ken.”

“How boring? Have you never wondered how things would be if you were with someone else?”


“Well, if you had, you could have told me and we could have laughed about it.”

“If that’s the case, I could always make something up.”

“Okay, tell me a fantasy you would have liked to come true if I wasn’t in your life.”

And so the train of fantasies began. It took on a life of its own—each time increasing in frivolity and graphic detail. Sometimes, it included Sam. With the sanctity of their relationship breached, they started drifting apart emotionally.

Encouraged by Ken to share her wildest fantasies, Ruth actually began thinking about the things that would interest him. Before long, she was caught in the web herself. She became increasingly frivolous, despite her deep love for Ken. She was falling deeper and deeper. It didn’t help that her friends at college were frisky too.

At fashion school one day, the students were asked to meditate to help them unlock new ideas. Then they were asked to write what they saw. This is what Ruth wrote:

“I saw a little ballerina practicing in a room. Suddenly, all she wants to do is get out. She starts running down the long corridors, turning from one dark passage to another. She is desperate to find the exit. Every time she sees a door, she runs towards it thinking she is nearing freedom. But all of them are dead-ends—all of them, except one. And after a long struggle, she finally finds that door. She can see the bright light shining on the other side through the thin gaps around the doorframe. She knows she has finally found what she was looking for. This is it! The little ballerina turns back one last time and sadly looks at the darkness behind her, the darkness she will never come back to. Then, she opens the door and walks into the light.”

Later, when she was all alone, Ruth thought about her ways and realized it was not getting her anywhere. She loved Ken but had cheated on him so many times, she was afraid she would lose him forever if he ever found out. She promised to amend her ways, but carry her secrets with her to the grave. He didn’t have to know. But the guilt gnawed at her, especially when Ken showered her with love.

“Why are you so good to me?” she asked him one day.

“Because I love you, Ruth. I wanted to tell you the fantasies don’t mean anything. There will never be anyone else for me besides you. And although we discuss them, I could never bear to see you with another man.”

“Me too,” Ruth said and turned away. Her heart was exploding. Oh! What have I done.

She rushed home in tears and met her mom at the doorway.

“Where are you going, mum?”

“To a prayer meeting. You want to come?”

Ruth didn’t remember the last time she had prayed. It was a long, long time ago. But she suddenly wanted to. She needed to. She needed help to get out of the mess she had gotten herself into. She said “Yes.”

The first meeting was followed by another, then another, until she became a regular. Late night calls to Ken continued, but the train of fantasies died down.

“So what do you want to discuss tonight” Ken asked excitedly one night. He had no idea about the changes Ruth was going through.

“Um, lets not discuss anything tonight, Ken. Let’s just talk about us. I want to marry you soon. When will you be ready?”

“Uh! Soon. December may be a good time.”

“That’s seven months, Ken. You’ve already kept me waiting too long.”

“Look, I’ve got things to take care of. Don’t rush me. I am tired. I got to sleep.”

“Okay. I won’t be meeting you this weekend.”

“What! Why?”

“I am attending a two-day retreat with mum.”



“Weekends are the only time we get to spend together, Ruth.”

“I know.”

“Can’t you understand? I need to be with you every weekend. It helps me get through the week. I want to spend all my free time with you.”

“Attend the retreat with me then.”


“Come with me, Ken”

“I can’t. I work hard all week. The weekends are my time to do as I please. I don’t want to waste my time at a retreat.”

“Fine. I am going anyways.”

And so she did. The retreats did a world of good to her. It calmed her. It helped her to get her focus back on the things that really mattered. For the first time in her life she was also entering a deep understanding of God. She bought a Bible.

When she turned her cell phone on after the retreat ended, she realized Ken had been trying to reach her. She called him.

“Hi. You called?”

“Yes. I have been trying to reach you all day. Why is your phone off?”

“They don’t allow us to keep it on during the retreat. Keeping it off helps to avoid distraction.”

“Oh! So how was it?”

“It was good, Ken. You should have been there.”

“Well, someday. Since you don’t want to spend time with me anymore, I guess I don’t have a choice.”

“Well, you don’t. I have registered your name for the next retreat.”

“You did?! You know how busy I am.”

“I don’t care. This is important to me and if you really love me, you’ll go.”

“Well, I do love you, and if it matters so much to you, I’ll come…but just this once, okay?”

“Okay. I love you, Ken.”

Two weeks later, Ken and Ruth attended their first retreat together. He didn’t like it though. This is not how we pray in church. We don’t clap. We don’t dance. He didn’t want to dance. “Why can’t I just sit here and listen?” But as the hours ticked by, something inside him began to stir. He became more attentive. He found himself tapping his feet to the beat of the music. He found himself praying, reluctantly at first, and then with all his heart. Something was happening. He felt different. Nothing bothered him, not even the traffic when he drove Ruth home. He was at peace with himself and the world around him. Until Ruth called.

“Ken…there is something I have to tell you. I just prayed to God. I prayed for you. I prayed that He would give you the strength to hear what I am about to say.”

“What is it, sweetheart? What’s the matter, baby? Why are you crying?”

“Ken…I was a prostitute.”

That night, everything came crashing down. Life lost its meaning. If someone I loved so deeply could betray me, who then is worthy of trust, Ken wondered. He would get the answer to that and other questions very soon. He just didn’t know it yet.

They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Ken and Ruth took the first step towards a new life the day they attended that first retreat together. They felt God’s touch and committed their lives to Him. Although the wound in Ken’s heart took months to heal, he did receive the grace and strength to gather the broken pieces of his life together, rise again, and make a new beginning. As a first step in that direction, he forgave Ruth and himself completely. He also forgave Sam.

It’s been almost five years since that day Ken attended the call that would change his life forever. He married Ruth eleven months later. When he looked into her eyes during the nuptial and promised to love and honor her, and faithfully stand by her in good times and bad, sickness and health for as long as he lived, Ruth could not stop crying. She had waited an eternity for this day, for this moment.

She turned one last time to look back at the life she was leaving behind—the darkness she would never come back to. Then she turned to look at Ken and with tears in her eyes, she pledged her life to him. The little ballerina had finally found what she was searching for her entire life. She smiled as Ken held her by the hand and walked into the Light.