My posts are usually targeted at no one in particular, but this one is specifically for women. Some of the points here are based on conversations I have had with my married friends. I felt the need to write this coz I believe women would do things a lot differently if they really understood what makes men tick. I promise to be forthright. I will not beat around the bush. I will not mollycoddle you. I will say it like it is. You ready? Okay, here goes:
- Money Will Always Be a Factor.
How much of his salary does your husband spend on himself? If he is like most men, his needs are pretty basic. In fact, if he wasn’t married, he probably wouldn’t have to work so hard. He knows that. But he still goes to work because it is a man’s job to provide for his family. He trades in 10-12 hours of his life every day in exchange for money. That’s what a salary really is to a man…he is trading hours of his life so that he can put food on the table, pay for the kids’ education and give you money to get your hair done, your nails done and everything else done.
So while it’s just money to you, it’s actually costing him his life — hours after hours that he knows he could have used to do the things he really loves, like spending time with you, or playing a sport, or watching a movie, or reading a book, or sleeping, or just doing nothing at all. But he is sacrificing all of that to take care of his family. By the time he is done taking care of everyone and everything, he will have lost the best years of his LIFE. Years that he will never gain back. He knows that.
So guess what? No matter how much he earns, he will never be okay with “wasteful” spending. Every time you buy things you are never going to use, that’s his life he sees going down the trash. And it’s true. So the least a wife can do for her husband is be a good custodian of the money he gives her.
- Stick With the Plan.
We live in a world of extremes. Some women in this city struggle to make ends meet even with a budget of Rs 1,00,000 per month, while some women make do with just Rs 10,000. How do women from low income families put three decent home-cooked meals on the table? I guess it all depends on how resourceful you are.
Life is seasonal and every couple must adapt accordingly. You should have a budget for everything (living expenses, investments, leisure, etc). And once you and your husband freeze on the budget for your home, stick with it. Coz if you bust your budget, it throws everything else out of whack. Therefore, be resourceful. Spend wisely. Turn out the lights, fans and other appliances when you don’t need them, cook sensibly so you won’t have to throw food in the trash, and stop buying things you don’t really need. Everything costs money and someone has to pay for it. Guess who?
- Be Kind to his Folks.
A friend of mine almost lost her marriage coz she just couldn’t stop bickering about her mother-in-law. Here’s the deal: No matter how much your man loves you, he will never be okay with you or anyone else criticizing his parents. And that is how it should be too. Coz a ‘good husband’ is usually a ‘good father’ and a ‘good son’ too. He won’t let anyone walk over the people he loves.
In fact, if your husband only takes care of you and neglects his parents, you must be very wary of him coz you are living with a half-baked fruit cake that could implode in your own face one day. After all, if he does not care for his own parents, what’s the guarantee that he will always take care of you and your kids.
But if he takes cares of his folks and is courteous and respectful to your parents too, then the least you can do is return the same courtesy to his parents. In fact, how you treat his parents is a reflection of who you are as a person. Follow the Commandment which says ‘Honour your Parents’ (and that includes his parents too). It doesn’t matter who they are, what they say, or what they do. How they treat you is none of your business. Your business is how you treat them. Mind your own business.
God will bless your marriage and you solely based on your attitude towards your in-laws. If you disrespect them, kiss happiness goodbye. But if you treat them well, then know this: No man can resist a woman who is kind to his parents.
- There is Such a Thing as Too Much Talk.
Have you ever sat next to a table of women? I have and here’s what I noticed. Oftentimes, they all talk at the same time and no one is really listening to anyone. And guess what? That’s perfectly fine with them. Coz women have this incredible need to verbalize everything. They are not looking for solutions, they are just talking…it’s what women do.
In fact, a woman feels really connected to her husband when there is a lot of talking going on. Most men don’t get that. Because the thing with men is that we are wired to take care of the people we love and to solve everything for everyone, especially the woman we love. So when you keep talking on and on about what’s bothering you, your man is trying hard to figure out all the ways he can help you. And when he finds that your litany of troubles is never-ending, he gets frustrated and walks away. So you need to let up with the talking a bit.
In fact, I’ll give you a better solution. START PRAYING. Women who pray regularly and take all their worries and cares to God, don’t feel the need to unload everything on their husband the minute he walks into the house. Because she has already hashed it out with God, she is now able to filter through her zillion thoughts to tell her husband the one thing he really needs to know, or the one thing he really needs to do. She’s happy. He’s happy. It’s a win-win.
Last point: Never bring up a heavy topic when your husband comes home at the end of the day. He is already tired. This is not the best time to have one of your verbal diarrheas. There will be another time for that. Right now, he just wants to come home to a happy wife. He just wants to know that she is fine. That the kids are happy. Then, he feels like all that hard work was not in vain. He feels like he is working for something worthwhile. Give him something tasty to eat and leave him alone for a while. (It’s incredible what good food and some free time can do for romance.) Next day he will charge out of the door and happily trade in a few more hours of his life just so he can see you smiling.
Okay, that’s it for now. I know this post is extremely one-sided and most of this may not apply to you and your marriage. That’s because I only tried to generalize what makes most men tick. If you want to know what makes women tick, please refer to my earlier posts where I also talk about all the things that men must do.
That’s a much longer list. 😋